The best way to persuade people is with your ears – by listening to them. Those words by former Secretary of State Dean Rusk are just as applicable today as when he said them more than 50 years ago.

Keep his advice in mind the next time you’re trying to influence another manager, your boss, one of your employees or a customer.  After you listen carefully, here other others keys to effective persuasion:

• Put yourself in the other person shoes. What is his or her immediate reaction likely to be. What’s in it for the other person?
• Find one point – or several – on which you and the other person are sure to agree. If other people start out agreeing with you, there’s a good chance they’ll keep agreeing.
• Acknowledge objections. It’s a great way to disarm other people. Occasionally someone may voice a minor objection – one that may not be important enough to change your position. If this happens, concede graciously.
• Don’t be too aggressive. In trying to win a point, force is worse than useless – it’s a disadvantage.

Make them feel like winners

Contrary to legend, Vince Lombardi never said, “Winning is everything.” He did say, “Wanting to win is everything.” Keep his words in mind when you’re trying to get others to see things your way. People want to win – or feel as if they’re winning – almost more than anything else.

The best way to make people feel as if they’ve won is to compromise. Some people equate compromise with “losing” but that’s to your advantage. If you give in a little, the people you’re trying to persuade will consider it as a win for them and a loss for you. And that’s exactly what you want.

It’s a good idea to make your compromises as soon as possible, so that others feel like winners right away. Any compromises thrown in at the end will only muddy an agreement. Once you’ve given in a little, you’re in a position to ask for something in exchange.

Five questions to ask

Here are five questions to ask yourself when a compromise can’t be reached:

1. Is my ego getting in the way?
2. Is winning the discussion more important than maintaining a valued relationship?
3. Are the issues a priority?
4. How much will I gain if I win?
5. How much will I lose if I lose?

Highly successful managers possess the judgment to back off most disagreements, because many of them are baseless and lead to no-win situations for everyone involved.